Notes on Neurodivergence
I was diagnosed with Autism in 2026, at 37 years old. It has been quite a ride.I've seen some of my patterns change and my nervous system work through some collapse, freeze, flight, and a little fight over the years of working with somatics, TRE, and Embodied Processing. However, I noticed that my response to social settings was NOT improving. If anything, it felt like I was becoming more aware of how difficult and draining it was in being with people, especially groups of people.I experienced a bit of relief, finally knowing now the reason behind some of my lifelong struggles. The overwhelm, the stress responses. The very strong need for justice and fairness. The strong pull to be honest, sometimes painfully so or awkwardly so. The issues with lights and noise and clothing and shoes. The need to see things visually. The need to organize information. The need to going deeper, vs just staying shallow.
Phases of Awareness
Some relief at understanding many struggles.Anger at my parents for not seeing this and not helping support me and making accomodationsLoss of identity
Clothes, Oh My!
I've never been a big fan of hats on my head, sunglasses on my eyes. Anything on me that didn't need to be. After a client had mentioned some things about her personal clothing sensitivities, I started noticing some things myself more strongly. The way my belt and waistband put pressure on me. The tightness of certain fabrics that were stiff. The way the seams of socks rub on my feet!
Lights
I've been working on making my apartment more comfortable and safe even before my diagnosis. This is a great idea for anybody to help the nervous system, whether you are neurodivergent or neurotypical. You can read more about that HERE.I was noticing increasing annoyance with lights in my eyes or overhead during my personal EP sessions.I've been finding that keeping less harsh lighting or less lighting in general is helpful. I don't turn the overhead fan light on near as often now. Some days, I will put my blackout curtains up to allow just a few inches of light in. Some days they stay down all the way.
Clutter
I've been finding I feel better with less clutter, and somehow I've been doing better overall with keeping my spaces a bit tidier. I always have a place or two with some junk and papers and mess, but the main spaces being cleaned up, things not laying on the floor, a place for my items, has been more helpful than I thought it would be.
Nonverbal
I went through a really difficult couple of weeks of overwhelm and exhaustion where I broke down several times. Some of those days, I felt so drained that talking to somebody was too much energy. So I didn't. I just said ignored people unless it was absolutely necessary to. Some I sent a message to with a brief explanation. Even messaging and the energy of composing my thoughts and responses became too much to do.
Honesty
Authenticity
Justice
I've always been pretty upset when things have not been fair.The last two incidences in my life I observed this, were when a friend withheld information from me, and I viewed it as a betrayal of trust. It took me many months to work through that, and the relationship has not been the same since, and probably never will be.The second was with the whole 2020-current fiasco as I watched and heard people all over the world getting injured and sick from the semi-forced agenda being pushed on the world. Then I saw my aunt choose to poison herself, get a lung "disease", need to get a lung transplant so she wouldn't die, get a successful transplant, get poisoned by the doctor's medicine, get sick, and then die. Nobody else in my family seemed that worried or bothered throughout the whole process. Well, what really could be done at this point. I was very angry the whole time. And then the funeral time and afterwards, I wanted to say and do so many things to expose how ridiculous and evil everything that was happening was, but there are so many expectations and bypassing and defensive parts in my family and friends that I knew it would do nothing. Help nothing. Accomplish nothing, but more upset and more defenses.
Organization
Social Interactions
Rest can be really hard
Stopping everything doesn't work for me right now
Switching tasks is difficult
Echolalia
From autism burnout book
"Some days are meant for nothing to happen, to be boring, to rest"
"As good as any neurodivergent person would..."