When Things Get Hard
I've been through many adventures in my life. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, and everything in between. I appreciate the places I've been able to see. The splendor I've been able to witness. The people and friends I have met along the way.Mostly, though, it has been long periods of challenges, with small moments of fun sprinkled here and there. Long nights. Longer days. Struggles. Slogs. Trudges in the rain with 100 degree heat and 100% humidity... through mud... with lead boots on.The last few years I have been thinking more deeply about my life now, my future, my parents. Changes I have decided to make. Changes that I've been forced to make. How so many things have changed for me. What things will yet change. Who I am as a person. Who I want to be as a person.I have thought about spirituality in a different way. A view of time and growth in a different way. Why we hold on so tightly to certain things. The panic and confusion of what feels like when everything is lost, and you don't know what is really left over anymore.What I've lost. What I've gained. What has kept me from completely giving up. What has helped me to not totally walk away from my God, my faith, my family, my friends. My life.I wanted to share some of that today. In a way that is more raw. More me. More authentic. Without the general speak to put everything in a nice little box. Without trying to make things all seem pretty and fine and rosy. In reality, sometimes it is not. Sometimes it is ugly and sucky and lots of other words. Maybe just hearing that and knowing that someone else is acknowledging that can be helpful in and of itself for you. There are not always answers. There are not always solutions. At least not in the timeline we would wish. Perhaps not anything close to what we had hoped.I thought it would be fun to share a few personal photos I took along the way. Maybe, in some way, to some person out there reading this, this can help you to get through today. To not feel so alone. To serve as a resource. An anchor that can keep you from drifting completely out to see. To keep you from floating out into the blackness of space.
Why This Post
My Big Losses
Growth Was Always There
Everyone is Trying Their Best
Some Days Are Meant For Nothing At All
As Good As Anybody With "____" Would Do
Friends
Anything You Can Hold Onto For Peace or Joy or Pleasure
Prayer
Regulation for fight/flight/freeze/collapse
Processing of grief and anger and shame
Nature
Books, music, movies
Self-compassion or at least understanding for what you've been through
Work or some sense of routine with purpose
Some sort of commitment to someone else if not for yourself
Food
There is dark
There is light
May appear
pale and pallor.
There is void
There is full
Yet through all
really valor.
Like day dawns
Gray to blue
Red to orange
Glorious color
We will grow
We will change
Knight will rise
Never falters.